Tuesday, November 11, 2008

The Truth: Pt. 2

First and foremost, this one is for my sissy:

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Ain't it cute! lol


On to truth telling we go...

I'm not as brilliant as everyone presumes me to be.

My entire life I've always been the girl who got good grades in school. For the first ten yrs of my life I grew up with my mom and her 2 sisters so you guys can only imagine all the attention and guidance I got as the only child in my home. I was groomed, disciplined, and always did what I was suppose to.

These women, and it seems everyone else in my life, expect so much of me and the rest-including people in my very own family- are just waiting for me to fail.

My mom, as she says it, is the "black sheep" of the family and honestly of all her brother's and sister-15 of them all together- I'm the only one actually doing what I'm suppose to among the kids.

So at the end of the day I have a great fear of disappointing my mom, letting my family down, and fulfilling the dreams of the Nay Sayers.

Not only that though, I'm well aware that I do just enough to get me by and it makes me sick. If I were more dedicated to my achievements, I would be so better off. Sure I attend a good university and am on track but being average gets you nowhere. I know I can do better and live up to my true potential.

It gets even worst. Lately I've been feeling lost. As a little girl I always wanted to be a lawyer. But as high school rolled around I decided journalism was the way to go because I loved that too. All through out college I knew this was what I wanted to do. Now that senior year is here, I'm confused. WTF!! Should I go to law school next year? Politics is so much fun. I'm very much so interested in government. Should I get a masters in English? Should I go to grad school for journalism? Ugh!!! I need some guidance. Maybe I'm just scared. Actually, I am scared.

9 inspirations:

niki.mac said...

I changed my major Spring semester of my junior year... and then during my senior year decided that I did not want to go to med school... which I had been planning and working towards doing for 8 years prior to that.

It was VERY hard to admit to myself that the "DREAM" that I'd chosen for myself in fact was just what I thought I SHOULD do and not what I wanted.

Clearly, I don't know you well enough to know if this is the case for you, however, your struggle sounds so familiar to me! This type of internal struggle is a good thing... because it means your on the verge of finding out what truly matters to you!

I'm back in school now studying Interior Design and my LIFE is so much better than the one I had planned for myself and was struggling so hard for.

I know I can't tell you anything to help you make up your mind about what you wanna do/where you wanna go... but I can tell you that if you really want to make your mom and family proud, the best thing you can do is live your life to the FULLEST!

If you do what you love you will most definitely be successful... and even if you don't reach a height of success, others will be in awe of your courage to chase your dreams!

I wish you the best! feel free to chat with me anytime on AIM (nlmcneill) if you just want to talk ;)

Sexxy Luv said...

i love a man in uniform! lol
thanks sissy!
google is so cute!

i think you are overwhelmed and what ever you decide you'll be fine. just do what will make you happy for many years to come. maybe you should try and shadow a journalist or a lawyer and see what a week in there shoes is like, but at the end of the day do what your heart desires and remember you have made it long past the way of others. :)

♥ sissy

Judy D. said...

if u love both, apply to both... there are no rules, u make them... why not be a lawyer n a journalist

remember that journalism doesnt require a certain major

u can write about politics

my advice is to fuse what u love

u have nothing but time

your young. no worries, ok?

A.M. said...

@ the ladies:

Judy I was actually thinking of doing it that way... and sissy great idea, i'm gonna go stalk a few lawyer/journalist now...Niki, I'll be sure to hit u up if I need n e more help thanks a ton :)

Sexxy Luv said...

just came by to check on you! :)

Andre said...

My mom's shoes are soooo big to fill... She studied in germany on a scholarship her teachers bought for her, she's been to eygpt, graduated from westminister, she speaks german and french...

and then there's me, tryna fuck every girl that moves, i'm fresh, and funny and sarcastic...I come home every time and I seem liek a diff person, my work funds my hard partying lifestyle, school is a joke to me....

kmx. said...

I can also understand how you feel. My parents are still together my my father honestly doesn't give 2 shits about me or what I do...I skipped second grade bcause my 1st grade teacher & principal decided that i was too advanced for my class and ever since then i'm always trying to beat myself out at everything. It's like I'm my worst enemy! My mom has seen what I can do academically so now she only expects "perfection" and when I'm not perfect she goes all crazy on me and I feel like I'm not allowed to make mistakes...I don't have any advice about that except to do your best, not for your mom or anyone else, but for you.

Andd about college...just follow your heart. It's natural to be scared, but you can't let that get in the way of things you want to do! Some things aren't made to be thought about with our heads...

Goodluck girl! =]

Brothers Blog said...

I think that we all go through that wondering and hoping we live up to our potential. I hate to admit that at times I to do just enough to get by. But the key part is you get by. Some put their all into things and still can't even get by. And as for your major you will figure it out. And whatever you do I'm sure you'll be great at it.

Da Hunni Toya said...

dont be scared
just take one day at a time