2008 was an interesting year for me. I can't say it was either good nor bad. I have so much to be thankful for. A wonderful family, great best friends, an education, MY LIFE, and the man upstairs who def loves me.
A few things didn't go so well as you guys may know. I lost the only guy I've ever loved, and I'm still trying to get over that situation. I figure the first step into having a productive 2009 is being honest with myself. & that acceptance is, I still love you!
No not you guys in blog land, well I love you all too, but I mean him...
However, I will be trying a new approach. You guys remember Eb talked about how every year they are people she just doesn't take into the new year, I think I might try that. Some people just belong in the pass and that is where he, & a few others, will stay.
This is the first year is 3 years I'm starting the yr off as a single girl, but that's okay...my momma brought me into the world alone :)
Over all though, thinking positevely, '08 was good to me. I"m still here right?!
& you guys have been awesome. You all helped me get through this year & I've grown to appreciate each and everyone of your blogs in different ways.
see you guys in '09.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
2008 was an interesting year for me. I can't say it was either good nor bad. I have so much to be thankful for. A wonderful family, great best friends, an education, MY LIFE, and the man upstairs who def loves me.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
So like I said in my last post, nothing much happening over here. Just trying to figure my life out, but in a good way.
Thinking about school, jobs, you know that kind of thing. I've been at work everyday for the last 6 days...so that's been that.
But really...I'm just trying to decide how to step into my '09. '08 an interesting one...but we'll talk more about that tomorrow.
How's your final week of '08 coming along?
HAHa!!! Don't wanna take my Christmas play list off...I luvs it :(
revealed by A.M. at Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Sunday, December 28, 2008
I'm back. Nothing much to share today actually. Just here obsessing over My Bey's new videos
I swear I love this girl. She's so Virgolicious in Diva and so girly and youthful in Halo.
Oh yea, seriously if you don't like the videos you're bugging and please please go hate somewhere else..luvs ya hehe :)
courtesy of my gurl Cat Hill I was told Ciara made a remix to my Bey's Diva. Here it goes:
C needs to sit her ass down. Don't like it.
okay...I'm done :)
Can you guys tell I'm passionate about my Bey?
Saturday, December 27, 2008
So Christmas was okay. Nothing special really happened until i received the perfect Christmas Present.
Don't really want to get into it yet, but there is this guy I know. Him and I talk quite frequently, let's say everyday, for hours. I remember once telling him that when I was a little girl i got "Grover Goes to School" as a present from a teacher for doing well in all of my classes. It was one of my favorite books and i lost it.
So guess what guys???
this is what he got me for Christmas...
Yep he sure did get me this book. Ahh man. I hate opening presents infront of people because I feel like that's the one time they can tell how I truly feel. I was smiling ALLLLLLLL over the place
Pretty cool guy!!!
Thursday, December 25, 2008
I expected a google sign that was very Merry Christmas but I guess not sissy. Hope you and the kids are having a very merry one.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Happy Christmas Eve guuuyyss. So much to share with you all as usual. Over the last couple days I've been kinda weird. You know happy, then upset, stressed. I think its all due to the fact that I'm broke. Like dead broke :( Or maybe it's just early PMSing.
With school and work I only make enough to pay for the necessities so shopping has been at an all time minimal.
But anyway last night I had another one of thooossee dreams...
It was super weird.
I dreamt that my bff from high school and I were going to an event. You guys ever seen one of those movies or shows when the kids are in high school and its one of those dances when the girl has to ask the guy but she waits too long, ask later, only to find out that some other girl has asked him? Well my dream was like that.
So my bff and I go to the event. In order to ask the guy, you have to give them a clear gift box with a red bow. My bff gave hers to her real life husband and he accepted it and they were happy.
Get this! My two options was my ex and one of his good friends. This friend of his I swear I am sooooo not attracted to him at all. And no its not on some subconscious shit, I don't like that nig.
So I'm standing there trying to decide who I should give my box to, and after some thought, I gave it to my ex. Except his new GF popped up and put her box in his hand before I could put mine. So I was just like "okay" and moved on to his friend.
But as I was about to give the gift to the friend, his friend's real life gf popped up and gave him her box.
I ran off crying and embarrassed.
A friend of mine analyzed it and I was like,"wow you are awesome."
But what do you guys think this dream could mean?
Today is my munchkin's-the ex's little brother- 3rd Birthday!!!
He's one of those little kids you can't help to love, and he's growing up so fast. Remember when he was just like a day old.
Happy Birthday my Munchkin!
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
Girl meets boy standing on the 1 train platform. Boy starts talking to girl.
Girl finds boy intriguing. Boy takes 3 train, girl takes 2 train. Boy's train
comes first and he opts to not take it and wait for 2 train with girl. 2 train
comes and boy and girl get on together. Boy and girl engage in conversation
about quite a bit. Guy flirts, girl flirts back. Guy and girl cover careers, school, art, locations, and some more on the 15 min train ride. Guy stop arrives and guy says to girl,"nice meeting u!" and slowly but surely exits the train.
WTF just happened? I thought we were connecting? I guess not. Super weird man.
And honestly he seemed like he wanted to ask for the number but something was
holding him back.
So today I'm at work on my Blackberry browsing through Face Book, looking for a friend who happens to have the same name as my ex. A list of all my friends with the same name pops up, but I notice the ex is no longer on the list. I type in his name, and low and behold, that shit straight up read, "You don't have a friend by the name if M*****." First words out my mouth, "oh wow!" He really deleted me as a friend. Let's see, felt bad for .0000000000001 sec then laughed. I told a friend about it, and she said it's probably his girlfriend's doing, I'm like okay, that's immature. Regardless of the fact that we had a relationship, I kept him on there because we still went to high school together and all of my friends on there are people I went to school with since elementary. She- my friend- says it shows he's thinking of you. I say...hope he's not.
Christmas gift 2005, Age 18
HEY HEY HEY!!! At that time it was HOT...and everyone wanted one :) & I luved Pink!
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Okay, I'm back and the exam is over. Can't wait until I get that "A" woop woop!!! If I can I'm def taking another class by "chinese kid" again :)
But on to blog stuff. I've been dreaming a lot of crazy stuff lately. Last night I had a dream that my friend's mom died, i was at my ex's house and so was his girlfriend, and some other randomness. OOOKKKAAAAYYY then...
But the night before was even more interesting.
To see broken eyeglasses in your dream, indicates that your vision and perception is impaired. You are not seeing the facts correctly
In addition to that dream, I drempt I was interviewing for a job at
Okay, I could care less about Morgan Stanley, but I was excited as hell to be getting the job. i looked that up as well, and this is what it said:
strange huh? DUNNO!
Anyway. I've deciced to reflect on some presents over the years that rocked my world.
Christmas 1997, Age 10:
On my way back to philly to take one effin final for my leadership class. Oh well, gotta do what cha gotta do. It shouldn't be hard at all though.
Wish me good luck!!! :)
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
This girl's got expensive taste. I may not want much, but everything I want is pretty darn up there. Check out my
Friday, December 12, 2008
Today is another day, the beginning of the weekend. Weekends don't really speak to me anymore because I work everyday through them since I have classes during the week.
But anyhow, my bestie and I had lots of fun together, as usual, doing our regular nothing lol.
She came over Wed night. When I got home from school, in Philly, she was sitting in my living room waiting, was SOOOOOOOOOOO excited to see her. We just chilled for the rest of the evening and got ready for our Thursday.
Woke up Thursday morning and it won't stop raining. A little rain couldn't hold us down though, so we journeyed off to her therapy appointment for her back. It's crazy all the things she has to do there, but I'm happy cause she is beginning to feel better.
We then went to her job, she had to get some stuff done there, since her back is messed up and after ventured into the village for some Thai at Prem-on .It's a cool Thai Restaurant we discovered for my 20th Birthday.
After a Thai lunch in the rain, we ventured off to our play land- Toy R Us- to buy PINK UNO, but they were sold out. I'm obsessed with the Pink Board Games, already have Pink Monopoly. Gonna have a Pink Martini Party, you guys wanna come?
It was pretty much a rap after that, because it wouldn't stop raining. So we just came back to my house, ordered some Dominoes, watched What "Happens in Vegas...", and fell out.
Having a best friend Rocks!!!
P.S. I had mad pics to share but stupid ass Photobucket was acting up...AGAIN!
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Well December 8th is over and I got through it just fine. I'm really beginning to think I'm getting over him and its a wonderful feeling.
As I type, I'm yet again on my way to NYC. Classes are over for the semester but I still have a few papers to write and a final to take next week. I figure these are all things I can finish up at my home in NY.
I've got a date with my BFF. She hasn't been feeling so well lately, her back is all messed up. With school and everything, I haven't had the opportunity to be there for her so since I finally have some time, we're gonna have a sleep over tonight. Yes we are 21 and 24 and still have sleep overs lol. I'll go to the doc with her tomorrow, and we'll get to spend the day together. At a time like this, I need to be there for her because she is always there for me :)
Besides all that stuff, I'm just here, checking in on you guys. Hope to hear from you all soon.
P.S. Don't you all missy my sissy sexxy luv as much as I do? :/
Monday, December 8, 2008
LMFAO....so I guess it's a good thing, that as I listen to this song, I laugh. It doesn't despress me at all. I think this kind of behavior warrnts us dropping that 4% to a 3% huh. Maybe not. But Still...
It's the ex's birthday. Surely not gonna call, text, IM, facebook, myspace, or any other form of communication. So i guess I'll vent wanting to say Happy Birthday here in Blog Land.
Happy Birthday Loser...Hope you choke on Birthday Cake!!!
Friday, December 5, 2008
... You're the kind of women I want to represent me.
Someone said that to me, can't tell ya'll who hehe, and I thought it to be the sweetest thing I've ever heard. hmmm...
Anyway, I'm just here trying to get by. It's been a loooong week. Trying to wrap up school and it's no joke. 2 presentations, 3 test, four 10 page papers, and two 5 pagers. Man I hardly ever curse but
It's like professors really believe their class is ya world. Why would one person assign a final paper, exam, and presentation. Selfish!!!
Hopefully, I can get some of that done this weekend although I work everyday. I wanna see my bestfriend as well, miss her. Guess we have to see how that goes.
On a brighter note though... I'm about to start on my Christmas List. I love Christmas, don't know where I'm getting these presents from, but hey..I believe in this guy
off to your blogs I go!!!
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
The little girl sat on her aunt's lap bouncing up and down with excitement.
"Auntie can I have a coke pleaseee," she whined.
Her aunt, only nine years younger than the child, shook her head.
"Your mom said no soda," she said trying her best to maintain a stern voice.
"I won't tell mommy if you don't tell."
She smiled at the child's cleverness.
"Okay. Just this once Ashmalli."
The little girl hopped off her leg, raced to the door, and put on her shoes.
"Ready!"She shouted at her aunt.
The aunt poured the little girl a half class of coke, and began to drink the rest of the drink from the bottle. Seeing this, the little girl knew she needed to have some more. She began to gulp the soda. It burnt her little throat but she didn't stop. She squeezed her eyes together, stomped her little feet, all the while coninuing to drink.
"Ahhh. All done aunty. Can I have some..." But before she could finish the sentence she saw the empty bottle.
Her aunt began to laugh,
"I told you you could only have a bit."
The little girl sighed and shook her head. She had always been taught about greed and today she received the ultimate lesson. Her little soul was grateful.
"You're th best aunty, I love you."
"I love you too niece," the aunt replied giving the little girl a hug.
True story ya'll. Even though I'm 21, and my aunt is 30 now. I still look up to her in that way.
Happy birthday aunt Ange!!!
Monday, December 1, 2008
It's the first day of the month and the last day of the year. This month should be an interesting one...
- My mom's birthday on the 22nd and she turns a significant age.
- One of my favorite Auntie's Birthday is tomorrow.
- No DUUUHHHHH, Christimas!!!
- My munchkin turns 3- on Christmas Eve- hehe...the ex's little brother. Luvs him :)
-It's the holidays. Either I'm gonna be really happy or really depressed I'm shooting for happy
- My ex's birthday is in a week and I know imma be thinking of it until then.
- Semester wraps up, and this is when things get CRAZY!!!
REVISED 10 MINS AFTER POSTING!!!
Bump the effin' negatives. I'm so tired of crying, stressin, making a damn fool of myself...over someone who is happy as shit with their new life. Moving onward!!!
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Okay so yesterday I made it seem as though I had a completely sucky day and in all actuality I didn't.
I went to work, and then decided to drop by one of my best friend's house. This particular friends happens to be little cousin to my ex. Every year around Christmas and Thanksgiving she makes this awesome special recipe jello that I love yum yum. So after work yesterday I went to pick up myyyy jello.
When I got there it was her, her mommy-whom I like to call my aunty :)- and her little cousin. Seeing them made me soooo happy because over the last three years they r people I have grown to love.
Anyhow, I got some awesome grub from my aunt, some banging jello from my friend, gave lots of hugs and kisses, and went home.
Once I got there, that's when things fell apart. My friend had told me to watch Neyo's new video "Mad" and that it would make me cry because it made her cry. Here you guys can take a look.
As I started watching the video man I began to cry. The song was sad, the video was heartbreaking, and I felt that 5% creep up on me.
Seeing them, whom I see as family now, just made me miss that part of my life terribly. Pretty much one person ruined it all for me, but I guess he was the most important factor huh? Because they all came with him. Anyway, it is what it is.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
- Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, Jonathan Safran Foers.
I've got heavy boots or at least I think I do. You guys may or may not have noticed but I haven't been here for a week. I wanted to be, but just haven't been. No particular reason. I suppose I always have time for blogging but I have so much going on in my head. It's why I have heavy boots.
Thanksgiving break from school is finally here and I'm on my way back to my NYC as we speak :) that makes my boots a bit lighter. but the fact that my entire break will be consumed with papers, projects, and work, makes my boots heavy again.
I promise I'm not complaining though. I like being responsible for my own life which can either make my boots heavier or lighter at times.
Have a few things to share with you guys, but next time. Just wanted to show my face :)
P.s. Sissy if you're reading this. WTF!!! Where did u go. You know you're my favorite. Shoot me an email address or something so I don't have to miss u...you being gone makes my boots increadibly heavy :(
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Okay, maybe not in love with him, but in love with his music. I've been listening to a lot of his songs lately and seriously they are sooooooo soothing. You know how usually listening to sad love songs has a way of depressing a person? Not with Mr. Mayer's talents. He can sing about heartbreak and soothe the hell out of me.
His music is perfect for going to sleep, studying, and just bring lots of calm to my life. I think I've finally found a favorite male singer.
Here's one of my favorites by the man...
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
It's Tuesday, and just another day for me. I'm here back in Philadelphia dealing with "the happy family." I just can't be bothered. Just know before this week is out I'm spazzing on somebody.
Remember I said this would be "& I'm thankful" week, well here goes...
& I'm thankful for my mom!
I realize that may seem cliche, but it is what it is. Without my mother, seriously, I don't know where I would be. All my life she has been a single mother struggling to give me the things she NEVER had.
When we migrated from Guyana,SA, she could have left me there as so many parents do. But she wasn't having it. She took me with her. Through out all my schooling so far, she has been there encouraging me even though she didn't have the ed. I'm obtaining. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't even be in college because I wouldn't be able to afford it. My mom has used the LAST of her savings for her dream house, to ensure I don't stay out of school not one semester.
There is never a time when I'm in trouble and can't count on my mommy for help. So ya'll better be thankful for her too, because if she wasn't here for me...there would be no A.M. Lol.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Truth week went very well. It allowed me to open up a little bit more, helped me to figure somethings out, and brought me closer to you guys. Thanks for all the support you all showed. In fact truth week went so well, I've decided to highlight something else for an entire week. Drum roll please....
This week I will be sharing What I'm most thankful for. By no means is my life a depressing one. We went through my truth week and I highlighted a lot of troubles, but within those troubles, I have a lot of happiness. So sit back, relax, and get ready for, "I'm thankful for...
Besides that stuff, I've been blessed with my big red gift...
And its killing me. My back has been hurting for three days now. No matter how many aspirins I pop, it won't do the trick. Oh well, hopefully only 4 more days to go :/
On another note, I've been reading this book:
I bought it sometime ago and thought it to be hella funny. Every once in awhile I pop it out for pure comedy. It really has some good points though that have worked for me in the past. But who am I gonna try these techniques on???
I know!!!! This guy I met at my job yesterday. Guys, I totally bagged him up lol. We'll call him Mr. Club. He came in earlier in the day, I noticed and tried to help him, but that didn't work. He left, and later came back. After bumping my co worker off the cash reg, speeding through a return so I could have him next, I finally got him. Here goes the convo lol
Me: did anyone help u out today?
Mr. Club: just me.
Me: that's very unfortunate. If I were down there, I would have def assisted u (insert a smile)
Mr: club: yea I know, I was looking for u, but u disappeared.
My manager: you should come work here.
Me: yea you're totally club.
Mr.club: club? What does that mean?
Me: here at Club Monaco we're good looking bunch, and you're very good lucking, you fit the bill. (More excessive smiling) hehe.
This led to some chit chat about me going to school in Philly blah blah blah, him saying we should keep in touch, and me writing those digits down on his receipt. Woop woop. All over one pair of jeans lol. The rest of the people waiting on the line must have been upset...oh wellz lol.
He text me sometime early Sunday afternoon but I never responded because I have this new thing about texting with men. I guess we'll see what happens. Doesn't really matter 2 me though.
Well Its 2am, off to bed I go :)
Saturday, November 15, 2008
6 months ago I got out of a 3 year relationship. We started dating the summer after high school and the relationship was an ideal one for me. I fell in love HARD. I just knew he was the perfect one for me, there was no one else I wanted to be with. He understood my point of views, supported everything I did, and respected me and my morals.
So I gave myself over and he was my first in so many ways. The first guy I ever
really loved, the first guy I gave myself to physically, the first guy i truly trusted, the first one to have my heart, and the first one to never gave it back.
There was all this talk-on his part- about being together forever, marriage after college, kids, and then....he dissapeared. And I feel like everything I was looking
forward to was just snatched from me.
I won't pretend like the relationship was a perfect 1 because it was far from
it, in fact we broke up about 5 times during those 3 yrs; always to his wanting
I might add. Its like we would be fine and a week later, he wouldn't want to be
together. And when we saw each other again, it would be " wow ur the one for
Don't even know what thoughts I'm trying to convey to you guys right now, but the pt of the matter is 95 percent of the times I'm fine. When I think of how much he hurt me with his actions I think maybe I am better off and I HATE him. But let me tell you, that other 5 percent of the time is HARD. Those emotions serface every once in a while. And when they do oh man... I'm hurt and can't deny it. I have these dreams of us getting back together, I sit there and sob like someone died, and I just analyze the situation over and over in my head. I ask myself a billion questions.
- How can you love someone and not want to be with them?
- How could he love me so much and replace me in in 3 months?
- How could he replace me with her?'
- How could he not see that we were meant to be...how could he not...
A couple weeks ago while having one of those "5 percent moments" I wrote him an email, which I never sent; thank god. This is truth week so I've decided to share it with you even though it's extremely personal to me:
Today I thought about you, and it made me cry. I've been going around every day for the last five months trying to convince myself that I hate you, that you're the worst person ever, that you don't deserve me.
But today, i realized that I'm so broken. My heart hurts so much. I never ever wanna feel this way about anyone again and don't see how I can. You were suppose to be my special dream come true. I betted everything on you, loved you the only way I knew how, to the best of my ability, with all of me. I shared my entire world with you. Ashmalli was all for M*****. No matter what, I was always willing to stick it out for you because u meant that much to me.
I know you always thought I didn't accept you for who you were. But I did. I loved you and all of your flaws. How could you think differenly? I was ALWAYS there. And now as i replay us over and over in my head, I can only conclude that you simply didn't feel the same about me as I did you. Why didn't you tell me? Why did you make me fall in love with you and then just left me out there? WHY?
I don't know if you'll ever have to experience what you've put me through emotionally but because I love you so much, I hope you don't. It sucks to loose your dream and I wouldn't ever want you to feel that way.
I guess I can only wish you the best
Please don't take this as a sign of me being weak. It actually took a lot out of me to write you this.
Pretty desperate huh? I dunno. I really wanted to send it, thought it would bring me closure, but I was pretty darn scared to.
When I feel like I'm getting over him, I feel guilty. And on those days I miss him, I feel so stupid.
I don't even know anymore. I can sit here and tell myself, "I don't care, I never want to be with him again" but if he asked tomorrow... :/
But that won't happen. I'm sure of it, so...
Thursday, November 13, 2008
I've slighted the ones who really care!
This is neither a comment nor a question, just something that popped up in my mind. Why do woment treat their man better than their friends? Friends are much like a family. Most of the time relationships with friends are lasting ones. No matter how far you may drift apart, you still hold that person in your heart.
But when we get a man, we diss our friends and I know everyone of you is guilty of this,because so am I. You make plans with your girl but your man wants to do something so you either cut the time short or you make up an excuse and off you go to your beau. Its your friends birthday and you can't afford to buy her a gift. However, when your man's birthday rolls around no matter what your financial state of being, you make that watch he so badly wanted happen.
At the end of the day, when things may not have worked out with Mr. Wrong, you run right back to your girlfriends crying, angry, upset, and they are the ones left to pick you up.
On the other hand, a man will not do the same for you. If he made plans to chill with his boys that's just what he's going to do. Why put someone first who is probably only going to temporairly be there.
This is why my notions have changed. I just don't want to be bothered. My family and friends come first because I'm sure of always having them in my life. I'm sure they will always love and support me; after all they've only proven it time and time again. Never again will I stand a girlfriend up, switch up our plans, skim on her gift, Never!!!
The friends I have, they come first...and that's just where I am in my life right now.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
I'm.a freaking punk.I don't like confrontation. Don't know what's wrong with me total opposite of my parents. So its been difficult for me to deal with the room mate situation I told u all about earlier.
Tues morning I'm walking out the door to class and here she comes behind me asking me to use my key because she left her man in OUR house and needed my key to lock the door.
So we're on our way to school together and I thought this would be the perfect time to bring it up.
Me: so tell me if you think I'm being harsh, but I'm tired of seeing your boyfriend everyday.
Me: no seriously, I am. I'm only here 3 days out of the wk, we share all the bills, and I can't be comfortable in my own home. You see how u can walk around in your bra? I can't do that because he is ALWAYS here.
Her: but he broke his bed at his. House.
Me: ahh, honestly that's what u said a month ago and that's none of my concern. Do you understand where I'm coming from?
Her: yes. I do
Me: and another thing I really don't like it that he's there when ur not. Like u really left him here that wknd when u went to ny.
Her: but he had to watch the dog.
Me: ummm...couldn't he do that at his house..
Then the conversation just died out. That was tuesday morning and a whole two days later, he is still here. UGH!!! Like right now. Its almost two in the morning and I'm laying here stressed while they are probably happy as hell laying up in her bed. She obviously hasn't made any moves to make me feel comfortable over the last 2 days.
What ya'll think about it?.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
On to truth telling we go...
I'm not as brilliant as everyone presumes me to be.
My entire life I've always been the girl who got good grades in school. For the first ten yrs of my life I grew up with my mom and her 2 sisters so you guys can only imagine all the attention and guidance I got as the only child in my home. I was groomed, disciplined, and always did what I was suppose to.
These women, and it seems everyone else in my life, expect so much of me and the rest-including people in my very own family- are just waiting for me to fail.
My mom, as she says it, is the "black sheep" of the family and honestly of all her brother's and sister-15 of them all together- I'm the only one actually doing what I'm suppose to among the kids.
So at the end of the day I have a great fear of disappointing my mom, letting my family down, and fulfilling the dreams of the Nay Sayers.
Not only that though, I'm well aware that I do just enough to get me by and it makes me sick. If I were more dedicated to my achievements, I would be so better off. Sure I attend a good university and am on track but being average gets you nowhere. I know I can do better and live up to my true potential.
It gets even worst. Lately I've been feeling lost. As a little girl I always wanted to be a lawyer. But as high school rolled around I decided journalism was the way to go because I loved that too. All through out college I knew this was what I wanted to do. Now that senior year is here, I'm confused. WTF!! Should I go to law school next year? Politics is so much fun. I'm very much so interested in government. Should I get a masters in English? Should I go to grad school for journalism? Ugh!!! I need some guidance. Maybe I'm just scared. Actually, I am scared.
Monday, November 10, 2008
I'm a lonely person. Not just some of the times but most of the times. The sad part is, I've always been lonely, for years now.
I spend so much time talking in my head because there is no one to talk to. When I'm away at school I wake up, go to class, get done what I need to, and then go home. I'm always by myself.
Holidays are the worst time ever, in fact I'm dreading thanksgiving and christmas. My family consist of myself and my mom. Don't get me wrong, I'm very thankful for her...but the events of it all just isn't cheerful. Then I'm left to think of all the happy people I know and how much of a good time they are having with their families. On these days I seriously lay in bed all day just waiting for the day to pass.
I'm lonely because I am alone... and I don't know what I need or what will make it or me better.
Okay before I get to all my truth telling, I gotta vent some. Men are sooo retarded.
He's an Eagles' fan, I'm a Giants' fan. He's a man so obviously he's waaaayyy more into football than I am. I support the Giants because they are my home team. I may not watch all the games, I may not know the names of all the players, but I do keep tabs on them. So this guy was sure that the Eagles were gonna win tonight and I told him, "nah homie sit down, my GIANTS have got this all the way."
Needless to say I was right. So I straight gloated on his ass like us girls do. You know "hahhaha!!! your team sucks, they lost at their home field. Told you I was gonna win...hahhaha you lost!!"
Then homey really got upset like "name five players on the team." Umm seriously I have to prove nothing to no man but my home boy Jesus upstairs. Told him he needed to fall way back. Here he goes with the "well you're a fake fan, you just joined the ban wagon because they won the super bowl," yea whatever homey.
So I had to tell him like it was. You can try to get me upset all you want, you can hang up, be a jerk but after all that ya still got ya ass wooped, by my team, in ya home stadium...then I LAUGHED MY ASS OFF some more.
Then he was like, "good night."
My response: PEACE
what a dumb ass!!!
He's all upset because I called him today to ask if he called me last night after our visit. He said yes it was from his house phone, my response:
"oh cool alrighty just wanted to see who the number belonged to and I thought it might have been yours"
Him: you not even gonna ask how I'm doing?
Me: No! Bye
Called him back tonight and he's all like, he doesn't want to talk to me because of the way I acted earlier. Whatever dude.
Okay so I know that was a bit mean but WTF ever, he deserves it much. I hate guys like him. We dated each other through out the summer, he made me like him HARD, and then fell back... REALLY REALLY hard. The comments he would make made me think, "wow he thinks he's got me wrapped around his finger."
Sorry I've done it before and I WILL NOT do it again. Why should I be feaning for someone who isn't feaning for him, and that's exactly what he wants. When I was nice to him it got me nowhere. Now that I'm on my "I don't really care" biz...he wants to be upset
UGH!!! this is why I'm single and plan on keeping it that way for a LONNNGGG time to come. It's all about me, and I don't wanna even bother to care about U. Men!!!
Sunday, November 9, 2008
When it comes to my thoughts displayed on paper, I like to keep them nicely organized. But not this time...I just wanna let it go. So I have decided to create truth week here on A.M. In Everyday.
Please don't be mistaken, I do type the truth, and share with you all everyday. However, sometimes I may glide over my feelings. Not truly exposing myself. Maybe its from the fear of being looked upon as weak or desperate. Maybe I'm afraid you guys will truly tell me how you feel.
That's okay though :) I've grown to appreciate you all and your blogs in my own way. I've always respected your truths and I'm sure you will be able to do the same for me.
This week will be a chance for you to get to know me a little bit better. Most importantly, this week will hopefully help me to sort through who I am, accept my feelings, and move on.
Welcome to truth week!!!
Friday, November 7, 2008
Its Friday and I'm on my way back to NYC as we speak blogging via blackberry. Seriously, I'm dumb annoyed.
I really need your advice on this one so pleasseee read the entire thing.
I live in a two bedroom apartment with what I thought would be just my roommate and I. We both go to the same university, knew each other from high school. So its convenient. We split the rent, cable, and electric evenly. Back in August she told me she would be babysitting a dog a few days a week would that be okay? I said fine because I like doggies. Turned out to be her dog which lives with us. Don't really have a problem with it because I like the little thing but still why did she have to lie?
Whom I do have a problem with is her boyfriend. He is a cool guy but he is ALWAYS at my house no lie 7 days a week. One weekend she went home to NY for the entire weekend, I come home and here he goes.
Me: where is T?
Him: she went home to NY
Me: so what r u doing here? Him: watching the dog.
WTF!!! Can't u take the dog to your house. Then he goes, " I'm leaving, I may or may not be back." And strolls out the house with her key which she left him. I left the house for one second to go visit with the girls upstairs, he locked the door. I had to call her all the way In NY to tell her to tell her BF to open my fucking door. Then he has to nerve to say, "I thought u were going home." Nigga (and I never use that word, so u know I'm pissed) I am home, I pay the bills here not you."
I came home wed night from NY, there he goes again.
ME: Where is T?
Him: somewhere doing a project.
So I just migrated to my room. I feel like I can't be comfortable in my own house because he is there all the time when she is or isn't there. She walks around in her bra and stuff...I wanna be comfortable like that too. But ofcourse she can do that because its her man and I'm another girl. I can't do that cause he is always there. If I'm dressed skimpy in my room, I always have to put on extra clothes just to walk to the fridge or bathroom. I've had company over but best believe they leave when I do.
I don't wanna come off like I'm hating or being a bitch, and I know I have to keep in account that she also lives and pay bills there too. Things between us have been fine since we moved in and I don't wanna cause a strain. I'm not even there all week. I go home to NY friday mornings and come back Monday night. Therefore, I'm really only there 3 days a week. And for those three days I wanna be comfortable.
THIs IS WHERE U GUYS COME IN!!! what do ya'll think I should do that's reasonable for us both?
P.s. Ladies he even leaves my toilet seats up and empties my ice trays...ugh!!!
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Ladies and Gentlemen of blogland, I introudce you to the new president of the United States of America:
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
I've already Ba-Rocked it...& If you haven't... WTF R U WAITING FOR???
No job, class, or other obligation should be keeping you back from doing this. I actually had a 10 am lit class, where this dude is like, "voting is not an excuse for missing class." R U SERIOUS? & let my Barack down? I think not!
The experience was simple enough. I went, long line, but it was worth it a million times over...and it was literally a 10 min walk from my house. There was no excuse :)
Happy Voting my Lovelies!!!
P.S. Everytime there is a holiday, I go to google to seee what the sign will be because they are usually so creative.
hehe..the election day one is adorable:
Thursday, October 30, 2008
So I know I just posted a few moments ago, but I really like this song, feel like it's the story of my life...
I likey the video. You know why? You know why? because it was shot inVEGASSSS BABY!!!!
I almost screamed when I saw the fountains at the Bellagio at the beginning. & the video was shot at The Bank- 50's club , which was the 1st club I visited in Vegas. . It was our least favorite though
On another note: still can't believe she married that fool Nick Cannon. SMFHH
Okay so, I'm walking to class this morning & my mommy calls me.
Mommy: beauty good morning
Me: Hi mommy
Mommy: On your way to class?
Me: yep! what cha doing?
Mommy: I had a dream about you last night... you were pregnant!
Me:(heart skips about 10 beats) ewww...gross.
Mommy: you coming home today?
Me: yea...maybe. I'll call u after class...
Mommy: okay, bye.
Alrighty, if I'd been behaving myself lately I'd have nothing to worry about...but since I haven't...SMH. I'm super paranoid about things like that, and since my mom brought it up, not I'm super scared ugh.
See what happens when you don't do what you're suppose to
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Woop woop. go meeee!!! Can't believe I've been with you guys 4 quite sometime now. Thank you all for coming through everytime you do and supporting my thoughts, adventures, trials, and woes :)
Special shout outs to Ms. Karrie B, she was sort of my inspirtation for doing a blog. I really enjoyed hers and thought, "I too may be good at this...in my own way."
Other dedicated readers such as my sissy Sexxy luv, Andre, Ms. Lovely, P.Y.T., alwaysz, Taryn, KMX, Eb, P.N., I can't compain, Stephen...the list def goes on- you are my blog.(feel like I'm accepting an award hahahA) If I didn't have you guys to reflect upon my thoughts here in blog land, it all just wouldn't be complete.
Here's to lots more post!!!
Moving on to the nexxt:
As u guys may have noticed I've been kinda mia for a bit. I've been around your
blogs and all, just haven't done that much with mine. Sure I've made post on
beyonce, songs I'm currently jamming too, & crazy psycho girl, but those are all
of the externals, what I like to call, a lil fluff.
You see, over the last two weeks,I haven't quite been myself on and off. I feel
like I have no control over my life sometimes, and I've never liked that
feeling. My life pretty much consist of 3 aspects as of now. School, my job, and
family and friends. A 4th aspect usta be somewhere in there, but he no longer exist.
So let's see how its really been:
School- its one of those things that's solely based on how I prepare myself. If
I BS my grades are average, if I do what I need to, they're hot. Simple right? I
need to stop the BSing then, because I am not average.
Work: Work is ugh. If you guys may not know, I work for Club Monaco, its kinda
been my gig through college. Helps to pay for my apt at school, supports and
spending habbit, and helps with my bills. Usually I work at my nyc location, but
go back to Philly's location when school starts. I've been back and I hate it.
Therfore, I've decide to venture into nyc every weekend since I'm more
comfortable there, but its been a bit of a hassle.
Friends and family: no problems there :) I love those guys the most, because they
love me the most. Yesterday I met up with my BFF-since I've been at school over
the last 3 weeks. We did some light shopping ( can't stop us when we're together
lol) had some thai for dinner, and ventured home on the sucky ole nyc subway
system. Been making a ton of new friends at school too...so its great.
the 4th aspect: Like I said before, no longer exist but it still does in my heart ugh. We shall dicuss in another post, just too much to get through.
But since I've been gone for a min, here's what I've been up to:
At the end of the night it was a fun game and we beat their ass allllllllll ova ESPN. WOOP WOOP!!!
It's what I've been up to!
Friday, October 24, 2008
Some people are straight psycho. This woman claimed that a 6'4" Black man attacked her and carved a "B" into her face for being a John McCain supporter. Later on, authorities found inconsistencies on her story, polygraph tested her, and found out she was plain ole lying.
It's sad because untimely I guess she was being racist-why did she have to choose a black man?
& obviously she was trying to say that Black people are really radical when it comes to this particular election. However, in all actuality she is the crazy one for carving a B into her face and fabricating an entire story.
She gets a major thumbs down!!!
Monday, October 20, 2008
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Much like Melville explains of Hawthorne, “transported by the bright gildings in the skies he builds over you but there is blackness of darkness beyonce.” Melville’s entire story is based upon...
Okay for 1 WTF is wrong with me? Incase you're wondering what the first paragraph is about, it's from my midterm take home exam. So I'm sitting here writing it, got done, was proof reading it, and BEYONCE's name pops up in the middle of the thing. I've got it bad...
...& this midterm has got me bad. You guys wouldn't believe the questions this guy made up. I think professors think if they give you a take home exam, they have to make it super ultra hard. It was such a drag. I had to wake up this morning, drag myself on campus -because if I do work at home it won't get done- and finish my test. But it's allllllllllll done now. WOOP WOOP!!!!
Speaking of being done, that was me last night. I would say I spent a good 3rd of the evening hovering over the toilet. My roomie, her boyfriend, and I decided to play Monopoly again, just this time with drinks. Before I knew it I was throwing shots back like crazy, ended up in my next door neighbors house with my robe ( he was throwing a party), left my blackberry there-WTF- went home, came back, noticed my phone "oh wow)!!! that's mine", had a who knows better spanish battle with a white boy- tore his ass up- gracias srta. Thomas, my favorita miestra hehe.
Flirted with a few boys, slept alone with the trash cane beside my bed, woke up, our apartment looked like shit. I do belive my head is still banging, but I'm gonna be okay.
All in the day of a college senior!!!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
So as you guys all know the Philles won the game last night. This shit is ridiculous & these people are alllll fucking crazy. Last night after they won the game, they went crazy and had riots all over town. I mean you didn't see us jumping on cars and shit after we won the super bowl. I guess that shit happens when you suck and U haven't won a national league championship since 1993. LOSERSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!! They get mad when people say their crazy, but really the shit is true.
Niggas go arrested and shit after the game, 18 of them cause they don't know how to act. An additional 4 arrested for assulting police officers.
On to the World Series they go. Hopefully, they won't. I promise I'm not being a hater but OMG it's just a baseball game.
Wanna hit the NYC so bad right now
P.s. I tried finding pics of the crazy people going crazy but the news here just show the civilized fans which is like 10.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Nothing really to share today-well actually a lot to share- but not enough time to get into ALLLLLL of my feelings. So for today I'm opting for a song.
Found this somewhere. I really like Jojo. She's a dope chick & her voice is awesome for her age. Here she did a Female version to T-Pain's "I can't Believe it." It's pretty good. Check it out!
I think he want me ;-)
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
So Today is My Daddy's Birthday!!! Happy Birthday Daddy-o.
He turns 48 today, Sorry dad for putting you out there hehe.
Guys, my dad is super duper. He gives the best advice, I can talk to him just about everything, and I know that he will ALWAYS be there for me. I know some people have problems with depending on their dads but for me, like my girl Frenchie from Grease said, "the only man a girl can depend on is here daddy" & for me that's just about right.
I love you daddy & I hope your special day turns out to be just as special as you are!!
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Yes I'm really screaming & this really made my day.
I don't think I've explained enough to you guys how much I'm in love with Beyonce. I'm all about the guys but I swear her and I are gonna get married one day and have 10 kids lol.
Needless to say, I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited that she is back. Her two songs out right now, I likey. "If I were a Boy" B girl, I feel you on that one. If only they could be put into our shoes for just one day.
Then there is "Single Ladies Put a Ring on it."
All I gotta say is, "don't be mad once you see that he want it" LOL gotta love this girl.
But on to the best part:
Beyonce- If I were a Boy (official Video)
I'm so happy that she did it this way because people were already hating. Why is she biteing of Ciara???vblah blah blah. Don't even know why they bothered because Beyonce and Ciara are def not even in the same category.
With that being said...Things i like most about the video:
1) Unlike Ciara's "Like a Boy" She wasn't literally, physicallyy a boy, she just delivered the actions and mind state of a guy.
2) How she sill managed to get her sexiness in there LOL...Did you see my girl in the locker room...hehe She was still feminine, dominant, and straight sexy :)
3) When the roles switched back( the conversation they had back at the house)...smooth transition.
But enough about what I think, what how do you guys like the video? I promise I won't bite your heads off too much lol :)
Saturday, October 11, 2008
YAY!!!! This is what my Saturday night consists of:
Dominoes Pizza, Sex and the City, & freakin’ ibuprofen 400MG. I have this killer pack pain so I had to pass on my night out with my girlfriends
I'm cool with it though. The ibuprofen is making me sleepy anyhow.
BUT WAIT!!!! WTF!!!! Why is my DVD skipping? I just took it out the wrapper and it's my first time watching & my dvd player is new. Best Buy here I come tomorrow. Shit is unacceptable.
Hope you guys are enjoying ya sat night out. Drink enough liquor for meeeee
Friday, October 10, 2008
So it's Friday night and I have not a thing to do. I went to work today, but my heels were killing my back so once I got home I ate, and hit the sack. Woke up around 8, and thought, In my 21st yr of life on a Fri. i really don't have shit to do!!! SMH So the room mate, her boyfriend, and I decided to play Monopoly.
It was actually fun. I lost but hey it still kept me busy for awhile. Nothing else to do so I think I'm gonna order some Dominoes and call it a night.
Hopefully you fine people are out having a much better time than me.
What are you doing tonight?